I really shouldn't look at current pictures of my kids and then switch to looking at pictures of when they were little. It is a reality I don't like! I wonder where the time has gone. I realize every parent says this, but it is so true. Now I am trying to figure out how I can live my life so that I don't keep feeling this way. It is easy to say that the last 15 months have literally flown by. Things have gone so fast that I have a hard time remembering all my kids had birthdays and are actually 5, 7 and 10 NOT 4,6 and 9. We have been so consumed with living in a new area, missing our family and friends, traveling back and forth for visits, getting adjusted to a new church and new responsibilities, trying to keep our heads above water and everything else that goes along with moving that I feel like I have almost lost a year of time with my kids. That, makes me sad because I know the years go fast enough as it is....
I remember when
Mariah was a baby and thinking that I would
always be in the same never-ending circle of diapers, feedings, nap schedules (literally all day depending on which little one was sleeping at the moment), asking cows milk or soy milk (only my closest friends and family really get this one!!),
tantrums over anything and everything, toys strewn throughout the house no matter how hard I tried to keep them in their rooms,
play dates gone really bad or really good (depending on the day and mood), and complete exhaustion like I had never known before. It truly feels like yesterday that I was sitting on the couch feeding Victoria, while Logan played cars on the couch next to me, and thinking about how much my life had changed in just three short years of "mommy-hood". And now, I find myself with three very independent, school-age children. How in the world did I get here?
I know, I got here one day at a time, going to bed saying "Whew, I made it! I conquered the day" or "Wow, the day conquered me!"....I wish I was one of those that could truly love each day for what it is, but instead I over-analyze and think... how could we have done this day better? What should we do different tomorrow? Should I just sell them and start over? I am thankful at times for my analytical side, but in mothering it sometimes doesn't work. I often long to be the mother that can truly live in the moment, without thinking about things so much. But, that is completely against my nature....I am a fixer, planner, organizer by nature and most days I feel like I am fixing, planning and organizing my kids through their
childhood. Which, unfortunately, makes you focus on the tasks and not the moments that you will never experience again.
So, I think I will take my own advice that I put in the heading of my blog - "enjoying each moment as it comes" and let go of some of the fixing, planning and organizing that comes so naturally for me. Maybe it is good for me to have those moments when I look at my kids and just want to cry because of how fast the time has gone. It will make waking those three sweet cherubs up that much sweeter for me. God has blessed me abundantly and I need to remember that He chose to make me a Mommy and I will enjoy each minute....even during my analyzing!