Will blogging help?

It has been a long eight months since our world went crazy. And, I have to admit, I haven't liked it that much. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my Mom told me that she keeps checking my blog to see if I have updated it. She said that when I update my blog it will let her know that I am out of my funk. Yep...I am in a funk. I haven't blogged because I don't like to be depressing to other people. My goal has always been to be the encourager to those around me. Unfortunately, I haven't done much encouraging lately. But, what I realize is that I have missed out on almost 8 months of life. I have trudged forward, putting one foot in front of the other, continuing on with "normal life" as best as I can, questioning things and not trusting myself to make a decision. I try to keep loving and laughing, but then the night-time comes and the tears flood my eyes....


So many amazing things have happened, but they all seem to be clouded by the reality of us not knowing what we are doing, where we are going, what our purpose is, or if we will ever see the end of this road. Everyone we see says to be patient, they quote "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...Is. 40:31", tells us that better things are in store, and encourage us to keep doing what we have always done....trust!

So, I will continue to be the person I am. I will keep loving, laughing and enjoying my sweet family God has given to me. And....maybe, just maybe, start blogging again...it just might help!

So stinkin' proud...

What an awesome weekend we had....it was so fun watching the kids quiz like "machines" and then enjoy the sweet reward of a three hour cruise on the Bay for all the quizzers, coaches, parents and anyone that wanted to join in celebrating an amazing year of Bible Quizzing in the Western District!!The weekend was spent with amazing friends that have filled our lives with so much fun and joy!! It was awesome that they were willing to sacrifice their weekend to celebrate with my kids. Nothing like enjoying good times and lots of laughs with great friends!!

Travis (above) talking with Kyle via Skype from Latvia (Kyle wanted to be a part of our fun weekend too!), Then, Travis walking to lunch with my kids!

The Copelands...faithful "Swank" quizzing followers....they make my kids feel so special!!

Jamie...our number one fan!!!

Here is how the quizzing part unfolded for us!

First Place Beginner Division!!

1st Place Highest Quizzer - Victoria Swank

4th Place Scoring Quizzer - Mariah Swank

1st Place Junior Division!!

1st Place Highest Scoring Quizzer - Logan Swank

"Beginner Quizzer of the Year 2011" - Miss Victoria Swank!!

"Junior Quizzer of the Year 2011" - Mr. Logan Swank It is hard to express how proud I am of my kids. They have worked so hard and stayed focused even in the midst of a huge move and major transitions that aren't even completed yet.

Logan, Victoria and Mariah....you ROCK!!!

Happy "7th" Birthday Mariah!!

It is hard to believe that it has been 7 years since our "baby" was born. It seems like yesterday I was holding this sweet bundle, knowing that she was the final link to our family. I told her this is her last birthday. We will still do presents and cake on June 11th in "honor of her" but there was NO changing of the age...she will always be 7!! She thinks I am kidding and oh how I wish I wasn't. Life has gone too fast and my kids have grown so much!! The other night we were talking about this and she said (as she was cuddling on my lap):

Mariah: "It is okay, Mama, I will always be a cuddle bug."

Me: "You will always sit on my lap like this?"

Mariah: "Yes, even when I am 40!"

Me: "Oh...well, I might have to sit on your lap then."

Mariah: "Why?"

Me: "Because I will be 72 then!!" (okay that stinks!!)

Mariah: "*laughs hysterically* Wow!! That is old!!"

I love that child and am so thankful God decided to give her to me. I am overwhelmed when I am called Mom...it is the best name in the world!

Happy Birthday Mariah....we love you!!

Living In-Between

We have arrived in Oregon and have settled in as well as we can. We just returned from a trip to Napa for the kids to participate in the Bible Quiz tournament at our church. Then we will return to California again in June for them to go to the State Finals. In the in-between, we are staying in our travel trailer at Phil's parents house. We will start searching for a house after our major travels are over. But, the kids are as happy as can be here...their cousins are next door to them. Phil and I feel like we are on a big vacation...ha ha...this is no vacation friends!

I have decided to call our current living situation the "in between". The in between of what we thought was going to be our life for many, many years (living in Napa, Phil managing a Les Schwab store, and raising our kids) and the life we will try to make for ourselves now that what we thought would be is no more.

Yes, there are moments of sadness and moments of anger and then moments of awe and then moments of just moments...with no thought or feeling at all. It is hard to live numb and I refuse to become hateful and bitter. I refuse to believe this point in our lives will destroy us. I choose to believe God has a bigger plan for us that we do not see yet. I choose to believe the God has our best interests in mind. I choose to believe this future path will be better for us than the path "we" thought was best for us.

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord" Proverbs 21:30

I truly believe God has all things worked out for us....but for now we will live in between.

Things change so quickly!

"At some point in our lives we have to make a choice...are we going to judge God based on our circumstances that we really don't understand or choose to judge our circumstances based on what we know to be true about God."

That is a statement I recently heard that I will carry with me for a long time. Life has made a complete U-turn for our family. On April 1st, Phil was fired as Manager of Les Schwab in Napa. With that has come a whirlwind of emotions and decisions to make. First, we are headed back to Eugene, OR to get our bearings. Phil will go back to work as a Sales and Service employee for the store in Eugene. From there, we will wait and see what is in store for us.

For those that know me well, you can guess that this has not been easy for me. I had things figured out perfectly (well, perfectly to me!) until we retired and started traveling. But, I am slowly trying to learn that all things must be planned and stated with the phrase "Lord willing".

Some days I feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. Or a round peg trying to fit in a square hole....which is it? Anyway, I know how I feel and that it is a little out of place. Honestly, I have felt this way since I moved here and each month I think it will get better. But...2 years, 3 months and 1 day later...nothing has changed. Maybe God wants to see if I will stick to my personal convictions, goals for my family, and way of life no matter what. I am not sure why and some days, I really don't like it.

Phil and I were discussing some difficult and VERY uncomfortable circumstances with a friend the other night and he just smiled and looked at our kids. Then he said..."sometimes you probably feel like Jeremiah (the prophet). But, no matter what, the most important thing is those three children right there." The perfect words at the perfect time. We know this and have tried to live this since we started our family, but to hear it from someone else was perfect. No matter what looks enticing or fun or interesting....our focus and goal should be our children.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (NIV) or Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket (New Living Translation)

Thank God for wonderful people in our life that love us enough to give us timely advice...even when they don't realize they are doing it.

Working on our orchard

Love this word picture...it so applies to our life!!

Bible Quizzing is like planting an orchard. When you plant an orchard it takes 4-5 years of hard, consistent work without it producing a single crop of fruit. But, if you stay faithful to the care of the orchard for those first 4-5 years, the orchard will produce fruit for approximately 60 years. Bible quizzing is similar....it is a lot of work, dedication, time and money. But after several years, these children will be fruitful in the kingdom of God for years to come.

I guess I am in the middle of taking care of my orchard and looking forward to them growing up to be fruitful in the kingdom of God...whatever His plan is for them!!

I am so thankful for my orchard!!

Love

I am not a huge Valentine's Day fan. That might be because I am not a fan of flowers, candy and telling someone you love them because it is a holiday. I am, however, a fan of coffee (I will take a good White Mocha any day over a vase full of flowers!!), a bag of chips and people feeling special everyday. But, I wanted to do something to make today a little special for my sweet family.

So, tonight we are going to have a fancy dinner; tablecloth, candles, fancy plates, stemware with soda, and.....PIZZA!!! I gave the kids the choice between the one meal that EVERYONE loves (Talapia) and a heart-shaped pizza (thanks Mom for the great idea!!). Surprisingly, they picked Pizza (saving Talapia for when Mom gets here to visit this weekend!!)! Mariah said we all had to kiss the ones sitting next to us after we prayed....Logan quickly told Victoria he WOULD NOT be kissing her. Hmmmmm....maybe he will kiss her on the hand, like a real gentleman!


To my sweet family....I love you! You make me complete. God knew I needed each of you in my life for a multiple of reasons.


Phil - You are by far the greatest man there is. Thank you for loving me for who I am and what I might become someday. God has abundantly blessed us and I am so thankful that I get to enjoy life with you. Thank you for working so incredibly hard so that I can stay home and raise our three beautiful blessings from God. Thank you for being such a godly man, for trusting and serving God no matter what circumstances or temptations are in front of us. You are the love of my life and I am so thankful that God brought us together....


Logan - You were my sweet little boy that first made me a Mommy. I had dreamed for years of being a Mommy and God gave you to me first. You are an amazing boy and I am so proud of the person you are becoming. Your smile still melts my heart....just like it did over 11 years ago. Always know that I love you and am so proud of you!


Victoria - To my sweet little girl that can brighten any room. The first little girl in our family to melt our hearts again and again. Your smile, twinkling eyes and sweet personality make me so thankful that you are mine. Your love for people and God are amazing to watch. I love you sweet Victoria!


Mariah - Your name means "chosen by God". God chose you to complete our family. He gave you the spunk and excitement to make sure you didn't get lost in the shuffle and I love it! You are not the baby of the family....but the final link that completed us. I love you my silly "Ri-head"!


As I get older I realize how precious each day is and always want to remember that everything I have was given to me by a God that loves me abundantly!!

Is it okay to be REALLY proud?

I was completely overjoyed for my kids on Saturday. We had our first Bible Quizzing tournament of the year. Here is how it turned out:

The girls took 2nd Place in the Beginner Division

Logan's team took 1st Place in the Junior Division


Victoria got highest scorer for the Beginner Division!!

Logan got highest scorer for the Junior Division!!

This was Mariah's first day quizzing and she did awesome. She is young....really young, but she enjoys it (most of the time) and really wants to do it. She has done amazing....and was so proud to hold that trophy!!

As I pushed, prodded and poked my three kids to work hard over the last several months, I wondered how much it was teaching them....besides the obvious (how to memorize, focus, develop a love for the Word of God). They have worked at least an hour a day for several months, without anything exciting to show for it....until now!! On Saturday, they received the reward for all their hard work. I pray that as they grow older they will fully understand that hard work doesn't always bring instant gratification, but if they can keep pushing forward and working hard the rewards will eventually come.

So, I have decided I am not proud with a prideful spirit but out of a very thankful heart for my three wonderful trophies....

Logan, Victoria and Mariah!!

Just blessed....

These are some pictures Phil took of the kids in a vineyard in Napa. There is nothing on the vines, but the mustard seed is absolutely gorgeous right now.

Mariah (6), Logan (11) and Victoria (8)

There are really no other words to say....just feeling incredibly blessed to be the Mom to three wonderful, healthy and beautiful children.