Wide Awake at 3:05am

I opened my eyes and saw it was still dark out, whew...at least I can get more sleep. I rolled over, looked at the clock and it said 3:05 AM. Why, oh why, do I do this? Then, I realized it is not 3:05 AM on an ordinary day. It is 3:05 AM on August 17th. Exactly 11 years, 5 minutes after the time my sweet son arrived!! I laid there and thought about those first few minutes of his life. Then, I sadly realized, I can't remember them because I was coming out of anesthesia from a very scary, traumatic, nothing seemed to be going right, c-section for my first-born to arrive. I laid there thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong that night. And laid there with the most thankful heart that God decided to make sure everything was okay and my sweet Logan arrived safely!

It is hard to realize 11 years have passed, but the fear I felt for about 1 hour will never leave me. I remember the concern in the nurses eyes. I remember my doctor coming in, eventhough he wasn't on call, and explaining what was going on. I remember my doctor yelling in the operating room that things needed to be handled now! I remember the look in my husbands eyes as they ushered him out of the operating room while they administered the anesthesia. Then, I remember holding that precious child in my arms for the first time. I remember his sweet face, his large hands, his cowlick in the middle of his forehead, his scream. I remember the over-whelming feeling of responsibility that hit me, even in my medicated state. That day completely changed my world.

So, I laid in bed awake a little longer this morning, thinking about the abundant blessing I have. God gave me a son first to really see if I was in for the long-haul on this mothering thing. I still ask God why He didn't give me a brother if He knew He was going to give me a son someday. I truly shake my head at times because the world of a boy is so different than the world of a girl. But, I love him more than words can say. I am so proud of the boy he has become and look forward to seeing all that God has in store for his life. I love you Logan....have a great Birthday!